Troubled Past

"Here." Nicki looked up at him confused at what he just placed in her hand.

"What is this?" Nicki said looking over the item in her hands.

"It's a ring."

"Well no shit, Sherlock. It's a ring. What does this mean?" Nicki looked up at him and watched him as he took a seat next to her on the couch.

"Don't act like you're not confused."

"I am actually, Safaree. I obviously keep asking you wha-"

"I'm not talking about the ring, Nic. I'm talkin about us." Nicki adjusted her blanket that was over her body and looked down before looking back up at Safaree's face.

"We haven't been able to keep our hands off each other lately. At all. Shit, we argue like we together and shit but I'm not sure if we are, so." Safaree adjusted on the couch more looking towards Nicki. He put his arm up on the back of the couch.

"It's just something to symbalize whatever we are." he showed Nicki his ring finger with a smirk on his face. "I got myself one too."

"Take it back." Nicki grabbed his hand and placed the ring in it before closing his hand. Safaree looked at her confused.

"For what?"

"I'm not trying to commit to you Safaree." Nicki hoped Safaree didn't take it how she said it but she knew he did when he got up from the couch. Nicki sighed deeply and threw the cover off of her body and followed behind him. 

"Faree, wait. I didn't mean it like that." she followed behind him with her arms crossed and licked her lips.

"Nah, you said it exactly how you meant it. Funny thing is it wasn't even no commitment shit." Safaree turned into his bedroom with Nicki following not too far behind. "If you would let me finish sometimes."

"Safaree, don't. Okay, I just-"

"Every time I try to do something nice for you, you shut me down."

"Can you stop making me the bad guy?"

"Can you stop tryna play me?" Safaree said before he slammed the ring in his nightstand and stretched out on his bed. Nicki sat on the edge of the bed looking down at him. 

"You should understand why I'm like this and you put me on the spot like that?! I'm not tryna play you Safaree, I'm just doing what I think is best for our friendship. If you can't respect that then-"

"Do you love me?" There was a moment of silence. That 30 seconds right there felt like years to Safaree.

"Don't." Nicki said softly while looking down. 

"There's my answer." Safaree got up from the bed adjusting his hat and grabbed his phone off the nightstand. He headed out of his bedroom and down the hall set on the front door. 

"Are you seriously about to do this right now?" Nicki continued staring at Safaree's back while he continued walking towards the door. "Get out of your fucking feelings, Safaree!"

"Show your feelings, Nicki!" he turned around and dropped his hands down to his side. "Damn! I can't win for losing with you." he made his way back to the couch and fell back on it. He tried to regulate his breathing as he looked up at the ceiling. Nicki stood over against the wall with her hands across her chest. She looked over at Safaree before looking down at the ground.

"I got the ring more for me than you... but still for you. I just got it because I like where we're at right now. Despite this..." he sat up and dropped his head looking down. Nicki bit her lip and raised her head up at Safaree waiting for him to continue. "bullshit arguing. So I got it to be a promise to our friendship more than whatever else it is we got going on on the side. Kind of like a promise ring to make sure that no matter what we're still cool after all this if stuff doesn't work out." He raised his head up when he seen Nicki's back heading down the hall. He sighed shaking his head and running his hands over his face. He got up and was headed for the door to leave assuming Nicki went to go hide off in her room for the rest of the night. He went to open the door when he was stopped by Nicki's voice.

"Faree."

He turned around to see a smiling Nicki flashing the ring on her ring finger. She stepped towards him with her smile fading and dropped her hand down walking up on Safaree who was now leaning his back against the door. She took his hand in hers locking their ring fingers as if it were their pinkies.

"I promise." Nicki looked into Safaree's face reading his expression. 

I don't know exactly why that moment was being relived during my nap. Maybe it was a sign that I should wear my ring again. It's a beautiful ring, I was shocked when Safaree had placed it in my hand. Then again I don't know why because Safaree knows what he is doing when it comes to buying jewelry. As the thought of Safaree popped in my head I grabbed my phone off the nightstand. To my surprise he had already texted me. I guess he knew I would be calling or something when I woke up.

I'm with the Vaks. Call me if you need anything.

I closed the message and sat the phone back down on the nightstand. I raised my head up and grabbed Safaree's pillow and put it under my head. I began to feel sick again as this headache was coming back full force. I closed my eyes as I felt them getting heavy again. My nap wasn't done I'm guessing. I pulled the covers up more before I drifted off to sleep again,

"Safaree, don't leave." Nicki said in a low voice with her head down.

"Nah, I'm done with this Nicki." Safaree said while grabbing up his clothes. 

"Don't fucking leave!" Nicki raised her head up and yelled. He walked pass her and went over to the dresser grabbing up his jewels and tossing them in a LV duffle bag. 

"You're really that fucking intimidated by him?!" 

Safaree turned around looking at her and dropped the bag. 

"Are you fucking serious right now, Nicki?! You up on stage grinding on the nigga and bein mad extra and shit. Fuck him. Ain't nobody worried about that nigga. The problem is you!" 

"Oh, so I'm the problem?!" Nicki pointed at herself. "I'm the problem?! Get the fuck outta here!" Nicki threw her hands up before dropping them again. "Your jealousy is the problem, Safaree! Be a man! Actin like a lil bitch." 

"Wow." Safaree chuckled and shook his head while scratching his chin. He bent down and picked up his bag. Nicki stared at him getting more angry by the second seeing him grabbing up all his stuff. "I'm moving out. For good." Nicki picked up the remote off his bed and tossed it at Safaree's head but missing by just an inch.

"Fuck you, Safaree! Leave! I don't care!" she yelled as she followed him down the hall. "If I never have to see you again I'd be fucking ecstatic!" she continued staring at his back getting more angry at him not responding as they turned a corner in the hallway. "Fuck you!" she yelled as she hit him in his back. He ignored her and kept walking as he made it to the living room. He grabbed his keys off the dresser against the wall, placing them in his pocket. He dropped his bag so he could put on his jacket before picking up the bag again.

"I'll be back for the rest of my stuff later."

"Don't even fucking bother. I'll have it sent to whatever bitches house you'll be staying with."

"Nic, don't even go there. I don't even glance at other bitches seeing as my only concern has been YOU!" 

"Just get out Safaree. I don't need your dumb ass, if anything you need me. Just fucking leave cause I'm tired of your shit!"

"HA! You're tired of me? Alright." Safaree clutched his duffle in his hand tightly and walked towards the door. Nicki stepped up closer behind him.

"If you've been tired of me then why the fuck have you stayed around Safaree? Huh?" Nicki crossed her arms and her nostrils flared for a second. He slowly turned around and looked her in the eyes.

"Cause unlike someone in this room, I care about the other."

"You're just an angel aren't you?! Everything you do is so perfect and you don't make mistakes and blah fucking blah. You've hurt me before too Safaree!" Nicki pointed at herself as her eyes began to fill with tears. Safaree turned around fully and dropped the duffle next to his feet.

"I've never HURT you, intentionally. Don't even go there."

"And I do?!"

"If you don't realize it by now then I guess not."

"Are you serious?!" Nicki said as the tears fell down her face. "So all these strippers you throwing money at every time we have a fucking argument is nothing?! You think that doesn't hurt me?!" Nicki wiped at her face with force before she crossed her arms again. "Hanging with bitches all night and partying and drinking is just fine, huh?"  Nicki wiped at her face with force before pushing her hair out of her face. "Just get out." 

Safaree picked up his bag and turned to open the door before he saw Nicki's arm shoot up closing the door next to his head.

"Don't. Fucking. Leave!"

"What do you want from me Nicki?! I'm tired of trying with you. I'm done with this." 

"I need you here, Safaree." Nicki's voice cracked as she looked down at her feet. She wiped her face never looking up.

"Remember what you said earlier...we're just best friends, right? So whatchu need me for?" Safaree opened the door picking up his bag and walked out. Nicki's tears began falling faster and faster as her knees began to feel weak when the door closed. She turned around and dragged her feet all the way back to her room as she fell down into her bed. Her sobs became louder the longer she laid there looking out around the room. She buried her face in the pillow crying more realizing that Safaree really might not be coming back this time. She cried and cried and cried until she eventually went to sleep.

I woke up and looked around the dark room. I felt at my face that was covered in tears I'm assuming. I sat up in the bed and wiped at my face before scanning around the nightstand for my phone. I hurried up and open my messages and texted Safaree.

I need you, please. Come home.

I held my phone clutched in my hand hoping Safaree would reply soon. I wiped at my face again and leaned against the headboard. Why is all this coming back up? I feel like this is a sign and it's trying to tell me something or teach me a lesson but I can't exactly figure out what. That last moment I just relived in my dream was the absolute worst. Safaree had really left and didn't come back for three months. Three. Whole. Months. I was miserable every single day almost, but y'all know me. I tried to fake it and fake it until rolling around the second month. I had a complete breakdown one day. I went to the hospital and everything. Guess who was the first person there for me? Safaree. He cried that day...first time I ever seen him cry. He thought I was almost near death. He stayed in the hospital with me that night but I was so disappointed when he left the next morning. Only thing I could think for the rest of the day was, "Wow. I really let things get this far." I didn't get a hug or anything. He didn't hold my hand, touch me, nothing. Just sat over in the chair in the corner. My phone buzzed distracting me from yet another horrible memory.

Be there any second, already on my way.

I wiped at my face again and sat my phone down on the nightstand before I crawled back under the covers. I really wish these tears would stop right now. Safaree's pillow that I was sleeping on was now soaked. I heard the front door open and heard Safaree's keys hit the bowl that was in the living room on the dresser. I threw the covers back and got out of the bed slowly walking through the dark room.

"Nic, where you at?!"

"I'm coming to you!"

I walked out of the room and down the hall looking out for Safaree. As I turned the corner I reached out for him and grabbed his wrist pulling him closer to me. I don't know why but as soon as I seen him I began to cry more.

"What's wrong?" He wiped my face with his free hand that I had my hand wrapped around while the other hand was putting his phone in his pocket.

"I'm sorry. There's so many times I've been in the wrong and never apologized." I wiped at my face again for the billionth time since I've been up. I hate crying. "I'm so sorry." He pulled me closer to him until we couldn't be any closer. I looked up at him with a pout as my tears couldn't seem to stop falling. I was becoming so annoyed with myself.

"It's in the past, Nic."

"I thought I ran you away."

"I'm right here." He wiped at my face again and rubbed my cheek with his thumb as my hand was still attached to his wrist. "Stop crying." He wiped at my face again that apparently was suffering a leak. It was definitely all of this built up emotion, stress, and pain being released through these tears right now. I guess this is what I get for holding everything in and letting it build up. "What I tell you the last time?"

"You'll still be here...no matter what happens." I looked up in his big dark brown eyes that were filled with so much love in this moment.

"And..."

"...and even if you leave, you'll come back to me."

"Aight then." He wiped my face again before he kissed my forehead. "Here. I know you hungry. I gotchu something to eat." He turned around and I leaned into his back and wrapped my arms around his waist as he led me down the hall and to the kitchen.