Untitled

It's so weird having days off. I have absolutely nothing to do, and nowhere to go. It's raining and thundering outside and we're still in bed. Safaree is still sleep and I'm laying here on his chest. He's so cute when he's sleep. He be so knocked, it's cute. Laying here with him made my thoughts drift off to last night. I guess it was like a breakthrough. Those dreams were definitely trying to tell me something and I think I figured it out. Though it's something I've known and should've been doing in the first place and I wouldn't have even went through half of the bullshit I've had to go through with Safaree. But I'm happy for it. Not for going through it but it made our friendship stronger more than anything.  

I really wish he would wake up. I know he's probably tired from having to sit up with me last night while I kept crying. All I remember from last night is him to just telling me to stop crying as he rubbed my back. I think he was getting annoyed with it, to be honest, but oh well. He was so confused. I don't think he understood. Hell, I didn't understand my damn self. All of those feelings and emotions just hit me out of nowhere. I don't know why I don't just tell Safaree my feelings and thoughts at all times, knowing damn well he's one of the people who truly cares. At times I think he cares more about me then he does his self, and yeah. He definitely cares more about me than me. Crazy.

I felt him shifting. Thank God, he's waking up. I can't be bothered with my thoughts today. I kept my head resting on his chest as he looked around like he always does. I didn't move to see but I'm sure that's exactly what he was doing. And in any second now after he gets done yawning he's going to ask me am I up. Watch.

"Nic, you up?"

I smiled a little and moved off of him sitting up on my elbow and looking at him who was clearly still trying to wake up.

"Good morning." He looked at me with a small lazy smirk before he turned to look at the clock. He laughed a little and turned back to me and dropped his head back down on the pillow.

"Good afternoon."

I rolled onto my back as I watched him climb out of bed and make his way to the bathroom to brush and all that good stuff. I really need to think of something to do today because I'm going to go fucking crazy if I have to sit in this house. Don't get me wrong, I'm a homebody. I love to be home. But now that I'm forced to be home I would rather be ANY where but here right now. Dead. Wait. Where the hell do I think I'm going when it's thundering and raining outside? Chile please. Nevermind. I'll be fine at home.

"How long you been up?"

I turned on to my side resting on my elbow again.

"A while. I've just been sitting up, waiting for you to wake up." I stared at Safaree as he came over to the bed and bent down, giving me a kiss. He sat down on the bed and leaned up against the headboard. I laid my head on his thigh and looked up at him staring down at me.

"You all good from last night?"

I nodded and gave a slight smile. I hope he doesn't want to talk about it though, 'cause I really don't. I watched his face as it looked like he was trying to think about or remember something. I felt him getting ready to move so I leaned up. I seen him walk over to his dresser and put on some sweats over his boxers. 

“What are you doing?”

“I just remembered something, what time is it again?”

Uhm, nigga what? I know for a fact I asked him a question.  I looked over at the clock as he still frantically searched his dresser for something. 

“It’s like, 12:42. Why?”

“I gotta go somewhere.”

What the hell?! 

“Where are you going when it’s raining and thundering outside, Safaree?” I tilted my head to the side looking at him who was clearly not hearing a word I had just said. He continued running around the room and turned sitting up and scooting to the edge of the bed. I rest my elbow on my leg and rested my chin on my fist. I dropped my hands in my lap and placed them behind me, leaning back a little. What the hell exactly is Safaree looking for and WHERE the hell exactly is he going?!

“Safaree!”

“Yeah?”

“Where are you going?!”

“I got something to take care of.”

I rolled my eyes. Really? He says that when he’s hiding something. 

“You wanna tell me who you’re gonna be with?” I leaned off my arms and cross them across my chest. I was getting irritated now. 

“Sean”

"For what?!"

I stared at him as he walked over into his closet before he came walking back out with his coat, a hat, and sunglasses on. I squinted my eyes at him as I watched him place his keys in his pocket. He walked over to me and bent down to give me a kiss but I moved my head to the side looking away.

"Nic, don't be like that."

"Leave me alone, Safaree."

I felt him place his hand under my chin to make me look at him. We stared at each other for a minute before I felt his lips on my forehead. I rolled my eyes as he pulled away and stood up.

"I wont be gone long. Call me if you need anything."

I fell back on the bed and sighed deeply as he walked out of the door. I rolled over on to my stomach with my face buried in the bed whenever I heard the front door shut. I rolled over again and stood up from the bed and headed for the bathroom. I turned on the shower and looked around the shower making sure my face wash and everything was in there. I stepped back and raised Safaree's t-shirt up over my body, tossing it to the ground. I took the hair tie off my wrist placing my hair in a messy bun. I slid off my thong and stepped into the hot shower.

This felt so good right now. All the tension in my body and my muscles were relaxing. I began washing my body as my thoughts of course drifted off to Safaree and his sneaky ass. What the hell exactly is he up to?! I don't want him hanging out with Sean, I don't trust it. I know, you would never think someone like Sean Kingston would be a bad influence on Safaree, huh? You'd swear it would be the other way around, but nope. All they do when they hang out is go to strip clubs, parties, and drink. I don't like that.

 I know how Safaree can be when he drinks. I don't like him drinking around me, let alone would I want him drinking when he's not around me. He becomes this woman hungry person, trust me. When he's drunk he can't keep his hands off of me. Not that I have a problem with it, but I don't want him out there being woman hungry with other women. And now here my thoughts go, thinking the worst. What if Safaree is...nah. No. No. He would never cheat on me. Please, he would never leave this. If so he'd be the dumbest nigga alive.

As much as I'm tryna convince myself that he's not...even I don't believe it. He's probably fed up with me. I sighed deeply as I continued washing my body. What if he does have somebody else? I wouldn't be surprised by the way I keep pushing him away. And one of Sean's thirty ass groupie friends has had her eye out on Safaree since him and Sean started hanging.

I have half the mind right now to go hop in my car out this nasty weather and go see what exactly Safaree is up to, but I'm going to trust him with this...for now. When he gets back I'm definitely hammering him with questions. It's really not him that I don't trust, it's Sean. And I know Sean doesn't know about me and Safaree's relationship or whatever we have, but he should get the hint.

Maybe I'm just overreacting and thinking too much. I looked down at my now red arm that I had been scrubbing for I don't know how long. And I flinched when I realized the water had gotten cold. "Damn." I hurried to turn the shower off so fast I thought I broke the handles. I stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around my body. I bent down picking up SB's shirt and my thong and tossed it in his clothes bin in his bathroom and stepped back into his bedroom.

Walking over to his dresser I bent down to my drawer. I know right, why the hell do I have a drawer in Safaree's room in his dresser. Ever since we started our little..."thing" I haven't slept in my room. Only when we argue but other than that, I'm in his room. It's only my thongs in his room, 'cause I wear his t-shirts. I grabbed a pair of my thongs and stood up. I dropped the towel from around my body and held on to the dresser as I put on my thongs.

 I bent down again grabbing my favorite t-shirt of Safaree's, his "Damn Gali" one and threw it on. As I was standing up I hear my phone beeping, saying my phone was about to die. What. "Damn phone is always about to die, I don't even use it." I walked over to his nightstand and picked up the chord from the charger that was already plugged in and plugged it into my phone.

I brought the phone with me as I sat down on SB's bed. I pulled up my twitter app and dropped my hand in my lap waiting for it to load. I lotion-ed my body as I waited. Placing my lotion back on my nightstand, I bust out laughing at the first tweet that was on my timeline. Why are my barbz still going in on Foxy? They need to let her be great. I strolled through my timeline laughing over the tweets. I wanted to badge some of the Foxy slander, but I wouldn't dare. I clicked on the button to compose a new tweet as I sat there and thought. Hmmmm, ok.

Dear Barbz, it's a rainy and stormy day in Miami right now. I feel rather indifferent about this right now. I wanna go do something. Luv, HB.

I lurked for some time at all the suggestions the barbz were giving me, and some of them wanting to come over.  I closed the app and sighed deeply. I tossed my phone on the nightstand and leaned against the headboard playing with my nails. Where the fuck is Safaree? I got up from the bed and walked over to the dresser. I picked up my iPhone that I have but have never used. I don't know how to work this shit. I slid the lockscreen and started at the screen for a moment. I clicked on the Instagram app and it opened up Safaree's IG timeline that he left up. I'm really not sneaky, and I'm usually not like this. But I feel like he's up to something. I scrolled the timeline to see if Sean had instagramed a pic or anything but nothing. I dropped the phone and went back to SB's bed.

---

I really need to go food shopping. We don't have shit in this house forreal. I need some sweets or something, this diet is not what's poppin' right now. I leaned on the fridge door I had open and continued looking in the fridge at a whole bunch of nothing. A bunch of healthy shit and I didn't want it. I closed the fridge and smiled. Haha! I just remembered I had a huge ass bag of M&M's in my pantry. I went and grabbed the M&M's and stood at the island eating them. I looked over at the clock and rolled my eyes. Where the fuck is Safaree? I picked up my phone while eating my M&M's but paused when I heard a car door shut. I figured it was SB so I sat my phone down and continued eating my M&M's.

"What are you doing up?" Safaree walked in and dropped his keys on the dresser against the wall in the living room and made his way over to me.

"I needed something sweet." I plopped another M&M in my mouth as he bent down and kissed me. Ew. The smell of alcohol came flowing through his mouth. He turned to walk away but I grabbed hold of his wrist stopping him. "Faree, have you been drinking?" He looked at me and laughed but he never answered my question. I put the rest of the M&M's in my mouth and pulled him closer to me.

"Safaree." I looked up at him and removed his sunglasses and looked at his red eyes. "Safaree." He wrapped his arms around my lower back and looked down at me but still wasn't speaking a word. I felt him pick me up and sit me on the island as I stayed looking at his eyes that were looking at my body. He stepped in between my legs and leaned his face into my neck.

"Why are you so sexy?"

I placed my hand on his neck as he was placing kisses on my neck. If he leaves a hickey I'll be so pissed, even though it was feeling soooooo good. "Safaree." I hate that he just made me slightly moan his name. I'm trying to be serious. "Listen to me for a second." He continued sucking on my neck and his left hand ran up his shirt that was swallowing my body. I jerked a bit when I felt his tight grip on my waist. "Babe." I grabbed his chin and made him look up at me.

"Why have you been drinking, Safaree?" his eyes focused on my thighs as his hands were caressing them. I made him look up at me again and this time kept my hand holding his chin. "What did you do today, SB?"

"I was just chillin with the guys."

"Is that all? It was just you and the guys?" he bit his lip and ran his hands up my sides and gripped the sides of my stomach pulling me closer until we couldn't be any closer.

"Just me and the guys."

"Are you lying to me?" I stared at him.

"Do I ever lie to you?" He doesn't, to be honest. Even if he tried he wouldn't get away with it. I always know when he's lying. "Come here, girl." His lips attacked mine. I melted under the touch of his big hands caressing my thighs. He stopped kissing me, moving back to my neck.

"Don't run off again like you did today, Safaree."

He stopped kissing my neck to speak up. "I wont."

"Promise? I don't want you drinking like this anymore."

"I love you."

I wish this nigga would listen to what I'm trying to say. "And I love you, Faree. Are you listening to me?" He pulled back from neck and looked me in the eyes. I stared into his face and I could tell something was wrong through his drunken eyes. I could just tell something wasn't right. He nodded his head and I made my pout face, nodding my head just as he was. He stopped nodding his head and gently grabbed the back of my neck tilting it back as he kissed my neck more. "I missed you, Nicki." I squinted my eyes in confusion. I grabbed both sides of his face and titled my head down looking at him.

"I'm here." I continued looking into his eyes trying to read him but I couldn't get anything. It was just a plain, blank stare. Safaree needs some sleep or something. I'm not understanding what's going on with him right now. I pushed him back a little but held onto him as I hopped down from the island. "Let's get you some rest, baby." I grabbed his hand and pulled him behind me.

"I'm not tired, Nic." I turned off the kitchen light and got mad as soon as I realized I left my phone in the kitchen. Whatever.

"Yes you are" I tried pulling Safaree along but my arms were hurting and he was moving so slow. "Hang on to me, babe." He placed his arms around my waist and pulled me into his body. I sped up my walking, so I can get him to his bed. Walking down the hall, my thoughts began to start running free but I pushed them to the back of my mind as we made it to his bed. "Here." I unwrapped his hands from around me and led him to the bed to sit down. I took off his coat while he just sat there and kept running his hands up and down my thighs and licking his lips. I tossed his coat in the corner chair in his room and took off his hat tossing in the chair as well. I felt his hands grabbing at my thong trying to pull them down. I grabbed his wrist and gently pushed him back laying him down.

"I'll be right back, Faree. Don't move." I walked down the hall to retrieve my phone while trying to think about what the hell exactly is going on with Safaree.

Troubled Past

"Here." Nicki looked up at him confused at what he just placed in her hand.

"What is this?" Nicki said looking over the item in her hands.

"It's a ring."

"Well no shit, Sherlock. It's a ring. What does this mean?" Nicki looked up at him and watched him as he took a seat next to her on the couch.

"Don't act like you're not confused."

"I am actually, Safaree. I obviously keep asking you wha-"

"I'm not talking about the ring, Nic. I'm talkin about us." Nicki adjusted her blanket that was over her body and looked down before looking back up at Safaree's face.

"We haven't been able to keep our hands off each other lately. At all. Shit, we argue like we together and shit but I'm not sure if we are, so." Safaree adjusted on the couch more looking towards Nicki. He put his arm up on the back of the couch.

"It's just something to symbalize whatever we are." he showed Nicki his ring finger with a smirk on his face. "I got myself one too."

"Take it back." Nicki grabbed his hand and placed the ring in it before closing his hand. Safaree looked at her confused.

"For what?"

"I'm not trying to commit to you Safaree." Nicki hoped Safaree didn't take it how she said it but she knew he did when he got up from the couch. Nicki sighed deeply and threw the cover off of her body and followed behind him. 

"Faree, wait. I didn't mean it like that." she followed behind him with her arms crossed and licked her lips.

"Nah, you said it exactly how you meant it. Funny thing is it wasn't even no commitment shit." Safaree turned into his bedroom with Nicki following not too far behind. "If you would let me finish sometimes."

"Safaree, don't. Okay, I just-"

"Every time I try to do something nice for you, you shut me down."

"Can you stop making me the bad guy?"

"Can you stop tryna play me?" Safaree said before he slammed the ring in his nightstand and stretched out on his bed. Nicki sat on the edge of the bed looking down at him. 

"You should understand why I'm like this and you put me on the spot like that?! I'm not tryna play you Safaree, I'm just doing what I think is best for our friendship. If you can't respect that then-"

"Do you love me?" There was a moment of silence. That 30 seconds right there felt like years to Safaree.

"Don't." Nicki said softly while looking down. 

"There's my answer." Safaree got up from the bed adjusting his hat and grabbed his phone off the nightstand. He headed out of his bedroom and down the hall set on the front door. 

"Are you seriously about to do this right now?" Nicki continued staring at Safaree's back while he continued walking towards the door. "Get out of your fucking feelings, Safaree!"

"Show your feelings, Nicki!" he turned around and dropped his hands down to his side. "Damn! I can't win for losing with you." he made his way back to the couch and fell back on it. He tried to regulate his breathing as he looked up at the ceiling. Nicki stood over against the wall with her hands across her chest. She looked over at Safaree before looking down at the ground.

"I got the ring more for me than you... but still for you. I just got it because I like where we're at right now. Despite this..." he sat up and dropped his head looking down. Nicki bit her lip and raised her head up at Safaree waiting for him to continue. "bullshit arguing. So I got it to be a promise to our friendship more than whatever else it is we got going on on the side. Kind of like a promise ring to make sure that no matter what we're still cool after all this if stuff doesn't work out." He raised his head up when he seen Nicki's back heading down the hall. He sighed shaking his head and running his hands over his face. He got up and was headed for the door to leave assuming Nicki went to go hide off in her room for the rest of the night. He went to open the door when he was stopped by Nicki's voice.

"Faree."

He turned around to see a smiling Nicki flashing the ring on her ring finger. She stepped towards him with her smile fading and dropped her hand down walking up on Safaree who was now leaning his back against the door. She took his hand in hers locking their ring fingers as if it were their pinkies.

"I promise." Nicki looked into Safaree's face reading his expression. 

I don't know exactly why that moment was being relived during my nap. Maybe it was a sign that I should wear my ring again. It's a beautiful ring, I was shocked when Safaree had placed it in my hand. Then again I don't know why because Safaree knows what he is doing when it comes to buying jewelry. As the thought of Safaree popped in my head I grabbed my phone off the nightstand. To my surprise he had already texted me. I guess he knew I would be calling or something when I woke up.

I'm with the Vaks. Call me if you need anything.

I closed the message and sat the phone back down on the nightstand. I raised my head up and grabbed Safaree's pillow and put it under my head. I began to feel sick again as this headache was coming back full force. I closed my eyes as I felt them getting heavy again. My nap wasn't done I'm guessing. I pulled the covers up more before I drifted off to sleep again,

"Safaree, don't leave." Nicki said in a low voice with her head down.

"Nah, I'm done with this Nicki." Safaree said while grabbing up his clothes. 

"Don't fucking leave!" Nicki raised her head up and yelled. He walked pass her and went over to the dresser grabbing up his jewels and tossing them in a LV duffle bag. 

"You're really that fucking intimidated by him?!" 

Safaree turned around looking at her and dropped the bag. 

"Are you fucking serious right now, Nicki?! You up on stage grinding on the nigga and bein mad extra and shit. Fuck him. Ain't nobody worried about that nigga. The problem is you!" 

"Oh, so I'm the problem?!" Nicki pointed at herself. "I'm the problem?! Get the fuck outta here!" Nicki threw her hands up before dropping them again. "Your jealousy is the problem, Safaree! Be a man! Actin like a lil bitch." 

"Wow." Safaree chuckled and shook his head while scratching his chin. He bent down and picked up his bag. Nicki stared at him getting more angry by the second seeing him grabbing up all his stuff. "I'm moving out. For good." Nicki picked up the remote off his bed and tossed it at Safaree's head but missing by just an inch.

"Fuck you, Safaree! Leave! I don't care!" she yelled as she followed him down the hall. "If I never have to see you again I'd be fucking ecstatic!" she continued staring at his back getting more angry at him not responding as they turned a corner in the hallway. "Fuck you!" she yelled as she hit him in his back. He ignored her and kept walking as he made it to the living room. He grabbed his keys off the dresser against the wall, placing them in his pocket. He dropped his bag so he could put on his jacket before picking up the bag again.

"I'll be back for the rest of my stuff later."

"Don't even fucking bother. I'll have it sent to whatever bitches house you'll be staying with."

"Nic, don't even go there. I don't even glance at other bitches seeing as my only concern has been YOU!" 

"Just get out Safaree. I don't need your dumb ass, if anything you need me. Just fucking leave cause I'm tired of your shit!"

"HA! You're tired of me? Alright." Safaree clutched his duffle in his hand tightly and walked towards the door. Nicki stepped up closer behind him.

"If you've been tired of me then why the fuck have you stayed around Safaree? Huh?" Nicki crossed her arms and her nostrils flared for a second. He slowly turned around and looked her in the eyes.

"Cause unlike someone in this room, I care about the other."

"You're just an angel aren't you?! Everything you do is so perfect and you don't make mistakes and blah fucking blah. You've hurt me before too Safaree!" Nicki pointed at herself as her eyes began to fill with tears. Safaree turned around fully and dropped the duffle next to his feet.

"I've never HURT you, intentionally. Don't even go there."

"And I do?!"

"If you don't realize it by now then I guess not."

"Are you serious?!" Nicki said as the tears fell down her face. "So all these strippers you throwing money at every time we have a fucking argument is nothing?! You think that doesn't hurt me?!" Nicki wiped at her face with force before she crossed her arms again. "Hanging with bitches all night and partying and drinking is just fine, huh?"  Nicki wiped at her face with force before pushing her hair out of her face. "Just get out." 

Safaree picked up his bag and turned to open the door before he saw Nicki's arm shoot up closing the door next to his head.

"Don't. Fucking. Leave!"

"What do you want from me Nicki?! I'm tired of trying with you. I'm done with this." 

"I need you here, Safaree." Nicki's voice cracked as she looked down at her feet. She wiped her face never looking up.

"Remember what you said earlier...we're just best friends, right? So whatchu need me for?" Safaree opened the door picking up his bag and walked out. Nicki's tears began falling faster and faster as her knees began to feel weak when the door closed. She turned around and dragged her feet all the way back to her room as she fell down into her bed. Her sobs became louder the longer she laid there looking out around the room. She buried her face in the pillow crying more realizing that Safaree really might not be coming back this time. She cried and cried and cried until she eventually went to sleep.

I woke up and looked around the dark room. I felt at my face that was covered in tears I'm assuming. I sat up in the bed and wiped at my face before scanning around the nightstand for my phone. I hurried up and open my messages and texted Safaree.

I need you, please. Come home.

I held my phone clutched in my hand hoping Safaree would reply soon. I wiped at my face again and leaned against the headboard. Why is all this coming back up? I feel like this is a sign and it's trying to tell me something or teach me a lesson but I can't exactly figure out what. That last moment I just relived in my dream was the absolute worst. Safaree had really left and didn't come back for three months. Three. Whole. Months. I was miserable every single day almost, but y'all know me. I tried to fake it and fake it until rolling around the second month. I had a complete breakdown one day. I went to the hospital and everything. Guess who was the first person there for me? Safaree. He cried that day...first time I ever seen him cry. He thought I was almost near death. He stayed in the hospital with me that night but I was so disappointed when he left the next morning. Only thing I could think for the rest of the day was, "Wow. I really let things get this far." I didn't get a hug or anything. He didn't hold my hand, touch me, nothing. Just sat over in the chair in the corner. My phone buzzed distracting me from yet another horrible memory.

Be there any second, already on my way.

I wiped at my face again and sat my phone down on the nightstand before I crawled back under the covers. I really wish these tears would stop right now. Safaree's pillow that I was sleeping on was now soaked. I heard the front door open and heard Safaree's keys hit the bowl that was in the living room on the dresser. I threw the covers back and got out of the bed slowly walking through the dark room.

"Nic, where you at?!"

"I'm coming to you!"

I walked out of the room and down the hall looking out for Safaree. As I turned the corner I reached out for him and grabbed his wrist pulling him closer to me. I don't know why but as soon as I seen him I began to cry more.

"What's wrong?" He wiped my face with his free hand that I had my hand wrapped around while the other hand was putting his phone in his pocket.

"I'm sorry. There's so many times I've been in the wrong and never apologized." I wiped at my face again for the billionth time since I've been up. I hate crying. "I'm so sorry." He pulled me closer to him until we couldn't be any closer. I looked up at him with a pout as my tears couldn't seem to stop falling. I was becoming so annoyed with myself.

"It's in the past, Nic."

"I thought I ran you away."

"I'm right here." He wiped at my face again and rubbed my cheek with his thumb as my hand was still attached to his wrist. "Stop crying." He wiped at my face again that apparently was suffering a leak. It was definitely all of this built up emotion, stress, and pain being released through these tears right now. I guess this is what I get for holding everything in and letting it build up. "What I tell you the last time?"

"You'll still be here...no matter what happens." I looked up in his big dark brown eyes that were filled with so much love in this moment.

"And..."

"...and even if you leave, you'll come back to me."

"Aight then." He wiped my face again before he kissed my forehead. "Here. I know you hungry. I gotchu something to eat." He turned around and I leaned into his back and wrapped my arms around his waist as he led me down the hall and to the kitchen.

Pink Friday Records and OVO [pt 2]

We're standing on the side watching Drake's set and my feet are killing me. I really want to just lean into Safaree's body but for one, we're in public, and for two, I'm sure he doesn't want me to. I really wish Drake would just hurry up and get to Make Me Proud already so I can eat something and go pass out. OH LAWD   at Drake and this hand of his. The movement I tell you is something serious. I always picked on him about that but the nigga still does that vicious ass hand shake. I don't get it, what exactly is going on? Lol. Who knows. Once I was talking to Safaree about that and he said it's from Drake jerking off so much and I promise you I spit out my Snapple. Why he put Drizzy on front street like that?

I turned to look at Safaree right when he happened to be licking his lips. He's like my little LL Cool J, always licking them sexy ass lips. The feen that just came over my body when he did that was crazy. Anytime he licks his lips I lowkey get chills. I snap out of it when I see him turn his head towards me. I mouth the words "we need to talk later" before turning my attention back to the stage. I notice then that the song was Make Me Proud. Finally. I boost myself up and fix my face making my tiredness go away and step out onto the stage with my cute prissy walk.

"BuhBuhBuhBuh BAD I AM!" I hear the crowd roaring and my momentum just began to build. I love performing, something about it is so liberating. It lets me escape everything for however long I am on that stage. I continue walking back and forth rapping into the mic as I see Drake following right behind me. It's like we're playing tag or some shit when we are on stage. I try to keep the closeness to a minimum and act like I'm trying to be one with the crowd. Well that is true, I love walking back and forth on stage looking over all the people with their happy faces rapping along so it's not hard for me to be one with the crowd. But when I'm on stage with Drake it's more because I'm trying to get away. Don't get me wrong, I love Drake. Really. BUT. I just think his obsessive personality is a bit much for me. Wow at all these thoughts going on in my head. Shit about to make me mess up the lyrics and Lord knows the Barbz will get a kick out of that.
"He asked my sign... I said a Sag. IMMUH STAR, Sheriff badge! What's the point, if I'm guardin'? Double D up hoes, DOLLY PARTON!"


---


I toss the takeout box in to the trash can before plopping myself back down on the bed. I look up next to me staring at Safaree messing with his phone yet again. I bet he's making plans with Sean or the Vaks cause I know it ain't no hoe. Tuh. It better not be. I sit up in the bed adjusting myself before I toss a leg over Safaree's and straddle his lap. He finally took his eyes off his phone and looked up at me. I puckered my lips and silently praised God in my head when he leaned in and kissed me back. I really needed that. No sooner than our little peck was done he turned his attention back to his phone.

"Faree, can you please put your phone down?" I looked at him attempting my best sad face and it worked. He finished typing whatever it was that he was in the first place before he placed his phone on the nightstand and leaned back against the headboard.

"Hold me." I whined. I needed some affection and it's been so long because of everything that's been going on lately. I think in these past two months alone SB has left me 4 times. We keep having the same argument over and over and over, and every time I beg him not to leave because I need him he hits me with that same ending line. "We're just best friends, right? Whatchu need me for?" I hate hearing that. I really do. He is my best friend, but I also love him to death. I don't wanna label what we have because that would only make things more complicated...

Or maybe it's just me. I'm scared. I'm so scared. I love Safaree so much, it's ridiculously crazy. But I'm too scared to commit. He's ready. He's been ready. But my little scared ass who is so deeply afraid to let someone in and fully love me is still being a baby. I tell him I love him all the time but I don't think he fully believes it. He has to obviously to some degree because he always comes back. When I tell Safaree that I love him in an argument he always says to me, "your actions show differently." He's right but I would never let him know that. It's a shame that I'm still stuck in my ways.

"Nah Nic. I'm tired, it's been a really long couple of days. I just wanna get some sleep." I whimpered and fell into his chest.

"Please don't be like this."

"Be like what?" Is he serious right now? I sat up looking at him and folded my arms across my chest. "What was it that you wanted to talk about, Nicki?" He was clearly aggravated with me and I could care less at this point since I have a headache and I'm sexually frustrated.

"I wanted to talk about us." I said in a low voice. Just then I got scared because I have no idea where this conversation could head. It always takes a left turn. Smh.

"Oh." Safaree smacked his lips. At that very moment I wanted to slap him but my hands felt like they were paralyzed at the moment. He better be thankful. "This talk again?"

"Yeah, Safaree. This talk again." I dropped my arms from my chest and they fell on his legs. "If you don't wanna talk about this then that's fine. Whatever." I sternly placed my hands on SB's legs using them to move myself off of him and lay back down. I threw the covers back with force before getting comfortable under them and tossing them over me. My adrenaline rush was building because I really just wanted to talk it out. I really hate that I can go from 0 to 60 so quickly. I closed my eyes to try to hold back the tears that were burning at my eyes. I fucking hate this. Why is love and relationships so complicated? Why doesn't Safaree care anymore? That was the one thing that was about to make this sprinkle of tear drops a full out rain storm. Does Safaree even care anymore? I wonder if he is almost to the point in giving up on me. I don't even know how he made it this long dealing with me and my stubborn ways. I really just hope that isn't it. I hope- just then my thoughts were cut off by Safaree's voice.

"If we're gonna talk about this then let me speak first."

I got myself together and blinked almost a million times so that it wouldn't look like I was over here about to have a breakdown. I sat up in the bed against the headboard like SB and pull the covers up on my body more.

"Go." I said with a cracked voice.

"Look, Nic. You know I love you. I would do anything for you and you know this, put my life on the line and everything. That's how much I love you. Do you got that?" he stopped, putting me on the spot and looking my way. I looked up from my hands and looked at him through my watery eyes. I nodded but didn't say anything.

"But do you really know Nicki? Because I don't think you get it." He sighed and ran his hand over his face before he adjusted his hat. I directed my eyes back down to my hands that were gripping the covers keep them on me. I could tell that a million things were going through his mind at the time. Now that we're talking about this I really don't want to anymore. I'm scared where this will lead to. I just want him to hold me and kiss on my neck until I fall asleep. But nope, I just had to want to talk about this. You see how complicated I am?

"I don't think you understand how it feels to love someone like you."

"What is someone like me, Safaree?" I snapped. What was he meaning by that?

"See, here you go. Just listen to me."

“By someone like you I was talkin about the way you act, Nic. I know we’re not committed or whatever. Hell, I don’t know what we are. But the way you act with other guys makes me feel like I aint shit to you.  Like I’m just some lil bitch of yours and you only use me when you need me. You know how I am when it comes to you. I've never acted like this over anybody else. But you still act the same way and shit.”

Well damn. Don’t spare my feelings. Making me out to sound like I don’t care about him. He sighed again and leaned up a bit off the headboard to adjust his hat before leaning back against it. I just sat there quietly and looked down at the covers. I don’t know what to say to that. I really just want to pour out all my feelings to him so we could never have to have this talk again but every time I get the courage to tell him the words never come out. It’s crazy really. Safaree can tell me his feelings so easily and I know he means them. I just wish I could grow some fuckin balls and do the same. I understand by the way we have this little thing going on there’s no way this could end up good. Or maybe, who knows. But as of now I feel like I’m the one causing the most damage and strain on what we could be. Imagine. I’m the hold back out of this whole thing and I’ll be pissed at Safaree if he ever left me for good but it would all be because of my ways.

“Did you hear anything I said?” I looked up at him with my watery eyes and I nodded my head. He looked at me and the look of concern and love swooped over his face when he seen my eyes. I raised my hand to wipe my face when Safaree grabbed my elbow pulling me closer to him and into his side.

“I really love you, Nic. I’m IN love with you and I don’t think you get it. I think that’s the hardest part for me. Feeling like I’m in love with someone who doesn’t care.” He said while rubbing his hand up and down my arm.

“Faree, I do care.”  I tried to wipe away the tears that seemed to be pouring at non-stop now. Crying is too TOO easy for me nowadays. “I’m just so caught up in my ways that I don’t realize what I’m doing to you and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can’t change overnight. Thanks for making me feel like shit.”

“I wasn't tryna make you feel like that. It’s not even that you need to change, you just need to realize when you’re hurting me. Coons have feelings too.” I smiled a little at that last part but the tears were still flowing. He reached his free hand up and wiped at my face. “Stop crying, bubzy.” There he goes making me smile again after he just made me cry. Gotta love him right? I remember the time he called me Bubzy on Ustream. I don't think any of the barbz really paid attention but it was the cutest, you could tell by the smile that was on my face. He leaned down and kissed my nose before I raised my head so he could kiss my lips. I wrapped my arm around his neck pulling myself into his lap. I really just want to fall asleep in his arms now.

"I love you."

"Love you too, Nicki."

Pink Friday Records and OVO

This is something I got an idea from a story I seen and I thought it would be an amazing idea actually. I will give them their credit the story is uncommitted love. I can't find the link but all credit to them. Yes I'm still doing Beautiful Love and I love how it's coming out so far I have so many chapters written already. Just want to do this on the side as well. Please let me know what u think and I will continue if I actually get feedback. Enjoy :p This is indeed ONIKAFAREE by the way. Straight through. Lol


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We're in Canada right now, Toronto to be exact. And once again, Safaree doesn't want to speak to me. He's mad that I decided to do OVO Fest with Drake. I mean I understand why but he should really try to be less jealous knowing how Drake is now. It's been some years and Drake still hasn't let up. Safaree should get used to it. Oh. How to describe me and SB's relationship, you ask? Friends. With benefits. And feelings. Difficult, eh? Tell me about it. It's always something. Always. But we really can't help that we love each other. We've tried to keep it strictly friends because we couldn't dare imagine life without the other but we couldn't hold it in any longer and that's when things took a turn. We don't label our relationship but we're basically together. But we're not. Confusing. But back to what I was saying. We're almost at OVO Fest-- wait I realize we're here seeing as how the driver is slowing down. I looked down at my phone at the new BBM. It was Drake.

Can't wait to see you. Take Care.

How cute. He should get that shit copyrighted or something. Atleast it's not that YOLO shit. I love the song but dear God, did people not know before he said that that you only live once or...? Whatever. I turn my head to the side as I see Safaree climbing out of the truck. I figure he's in one of his moods and he's not gonna open my door. I was right. I rolled my eyes and opened my door climbing out. I walked over and fell in place behind Safaree as it seemed he knew where we were going. He stopped when he felt that I stopped I guess. I took pictures with everyone who was just lingering around outside and smoking and being the pigs they were. I hugged Holiday, Drama, Meek and Rozay and moved swiftly on. I grabbed his arm as we walked up the steps and into my dressing room. He went and sat on the couch in the corner and messed with his phone. Probably texting Sean Kingston so when we go back he can drift off to Vegas with him and hit up the strip club. Happens every time something happens between us, he goes to the strip club and drinks the entire time. He doesn't even fuck with alcohol like that. Ugh. I don't want to think about this right now, whatever. I sat my phone down on the make up table and took off my t-shirt. Thankfully Joyce had already done my make up so all I needed to do was get dressed. I had on this really sexy bra so I decided that was what I'll wear tonight. ;) I like teasing Drake. He could never have me so it's fun. I know it's wrong messing with his emotions like that but it's always fun to see his face when he sees me practically half naked. It's always hilarious. I just hate having to go through the same argument with my baby after all this is over with when he should know he's the only one that matters. Look, here I go again. Thinking about the worst.

Anyways. I went over to the clothes and found this sexy red blazer. See, I don't like the color red. Safaree loves it. I'll wear the red blazer for him but of course Safaree wont think that. I snatched the blazer off the rack and toss it in the chair in front of the make up table. I make my way down to the rack of the leggings section. Oooooh. Cheetah leggings. Safaree loves me in anything with prints. I grab those and stop when I look down and see some sexy ass thigh high black boots. Hopefully when Safaree sees how sexy I look he'll get out of his attitude and show me some affection cause I could REALLY use one of his hugs and a kiss right now. Ugh. I wish things didn't have to be this way. Let me go get dressed. I walk over to the make up table and place a hand on it as I get into my leggings. I slide this red leather diaper looking thing no that I actually think about it over my leggings and take a seat when all of a sudden there's a knock.

"Safaree could you see who that is?"

He finally broke glance from his phone looking at me with his dead face. I gave a slight smile and he got up from the couch placing his phone in his pocket and heading towards the door. I looked in the mirror making sure my make up was right before I dropped my hand from my face and turned towards the door seeing Drake. I smile as he makes his way in only for my face to turn serious when I see Safaree leaving.

"SB, where are you going?" he stopped and slowly turned his head in my direction.

"Imma go holla at Drama about something." he said right before dashing off with the door unknowingly slamming behind him. I knew he was lying but where he was going I didn't know.

"Wow." I turned my attention back to Drake when I heard him speaking. He was rubbing his hand over his hair and looking at me as if he just saw Jesus. The dramatics. I smiled while looking at his obvious nervous face. He looked like he was about to break a sweat at any second. Poor thing.

"What?" I said still smiling.

"You look...amazing."

"Thank you, Drizzy." I turned my attention back to the mirror applying my lipstick. I wonder how long he's gonna stand there and do this nervous ass hair rub before he takes a seat somewhere. I look up at him through the mirror and he's still doing exactly what I just said.

"You can take a seat anywhere." I said laughing and putting the lipstick down.

"Ahhhh. I gotchu Nic. I need to get ready though I was just stopping by to see your sexy ass." He bit at me like he wanted to eat me. Mature. I playfully rolled my eyes. "Can I have a hug?"

"Of course, Drake." I hopped up out of the make up chair and walked into his extended arms. His cologne was OD strong and didn't smell good. Safaree's Gucci cologne smells sooooooooooo much better. I patted his back letting him know he could let me go from this hug already. I just wasn't feeling it tonight. He moved his head to kiss me on the cheek. I assumed he must have drank mouthwash before he came to speak to me cause the scent began to give me a headache. I leaned out of this hug figuring Drake wasn't going to anytime soon. I ran my hands over his facial hair as he smiled and laughed like a nervous little 16 year old boy on a first date looking down. Cute.

"Go get ready, boy. You're the headliner." I said trying to play it off but I was really not tryna make this situation go any further. He loves to try and actually get his lips on mine. Pauz.

"You rushing me off?"

Yes. "No."

"I see you need to finish getting ready yourself. Up in here looking sexy as fuck only in a bra." I smiled. Ok now. You can go get ready yourself, sir. I laughed.

"Bye, Drake." I grabbed his hand pulling him towards the door as he caressed my hand with his thumb. Eh. That's cool. I stopped at the door putting a hand on the knob waiting to open the door. "I need to finish getting ready as you can see." I smirked and looked over myself. I looked at my stomach for a second and finally saw the progression. Hey. I'm getting a little 6 pack. I looked up at his face that were fixated on my breast. I let go of his hand and put a finger on his chin making him tilt his head up and look me in the eyes. "See you on stage, babe." I patted him on the back as he turned and walked out. I shut the door behind him and waited some time before speaking up.

"Thank God." I hoped that wasn't him that just opened the door to my dressing room. I slowly turned but sighed of relief that it was Safaree. I stared at him as he made his way back to the couch and sat down not even acknowledging my presence. Ugh. Are we really doing this? He finally looked up from his phone to speak to me.

"You almost ready?" Really? That's it. k.

"Yeah. I'm actually wearing red for once. You like?" I put a hand on my hip and smirked at him letting my dimple show. I wish he would take off them damn glasses so I could see his eyes. They tell so much when he wont. He licked his lips and I assumed he was looking me over.

"Yeah. You look nice."

Seriously. Nice. That's it. I waved him off and I doubt he cared cause he quickly turned his attention back to his phone. I sat in the make up chair and put on those sexy ass boots and threw the blazer over my shoulders.

"Faree." I looked pass the make up table and at Safaree. He raised his head up. "I'm ready." He got up from the couch placing his phone in his pocket and extended his arm out to me. I grabbed hold and followed him out to the stage to watch the show.

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k. Do you guys like this so far?!?!?! PLEASE let me know and I will start working on part 2 to this in particular. SHARE THIS STORY PLEASE. I like where my ideas have me going with this one.